My Blog

MIscellaneiaio and off to work we go

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 06:52:32 -0600

It’s been a while since I cleaned up my “blog starters” file - that place where I put snippets of random “Dale thoughts” that I think might someday make a good blog. Most of them are incomplete and some of them I would have done better to leave on the cutting room floor but I didn’t. They are random, not associated with each other, disparate. They are separated by ---. Feel free to use these as you wish or not, but it does me good to do a “flush” every now and then, so here goes.
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Do you think Jesus prayed that Judas would not betray him... that he would chose differently?
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We want our “heroes” to be in heaven. Years ago I preached a sermon I stupidly titled “Mother Teresa and Lady Diana” I never condemned them to hell but talked about how they would be judged not by the popular media but by the God of Heaven and by His Word and their respect for and obedience to it. I got a “firestorm” out of it. In 2009 it was Michael Jackson and Steve McNair who folks placed on the “other side of the pearly gates. In McNair’s funeral one of the speakers talked about how he could “see him now, making passes to the angels” Sorry, I thought one of the angels might be saying to him - “you go long...real long.” In our politically correct society it is not a sin to have multiple affairs, to father children you don’t raise, to abuse and misuse your talents or money but if you judge someone or show yourself intolerant - watch out!
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Courage is seeing what is, imaging what can be, and taking action.
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My challenge in life has been learning to live on a margin: When we live on a margin we will have time to pray, time to rest, money to give, energy to share. God has given you all you need, the challenge it to use those resources wisely.

Those who know me know I like simple! I used to say that “Preaching is communicating truth to people”, let’s simplify even that. Preacher your job: “Tell truth.”

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This one isn’t mine but I don’t know where I clipped it from: On August 30, 2009, 79-year-old Jud McKinney was driving a white pickup truck along a rural road in Winterset, Iowa. Riding a bike on the same road was 54-year-old Mark Grgurich. In a tragic turn of events, McKinney steered his truck into Grgurich, killing him. McKinney suffered from a vision problem known as macular degeneration—a blind spot in someone’s central vision.
I wonder how many of us are a wrong turn away from devastating consequences because of a vision problem? Vision is a picture of an unrealized future. It’s where or what you’re headed toward (how you get there is what mission is for).
Walt Disney passed away before Disney World in Orlando was built. At the opening dedication in 1971, five years after Walt’s death, someone commented to Mike Vance, creative director of Walt Disney Studios, “Isn’t it too bad [Walt] didn’t live to see this?” “He did see it,” Vance replied. “That’s why it’s here.”
If you or your team is stumbling, fumbling or grumbling for lack of clear direction about the future, it’s time for some vision correction.
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I’ve been there, people looking at a fat middle-aged guy and then Melanie and wondering: “Why would ‘she’ be with ‘he’? Graceful, poised - she’s together...and I’m, well...not. Only one thing could cause it, she loves me. For whatever reason she loves me.
God is holy, just, fair, forgiving, full of grace, giving, all wise, ageless, merciful...why would He want to be seen with me? Just more proof of His goodness. He loves me.

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Foyers and inconsistencies - A strange little thought:
Church buildings, a term not even mentioned in the Bible, cause so much fighting: “we spent too much”, “we didn’t build big enough”, “we built too big”, “it is too formal and fancy for me”, “It’s somehow not inspiring enough”, “I don’t believe you should eat/run/play/laugh etc. in the church building”. People judge us by our buildings: some judge you if you have one, some judge you if you don’t.
The craze the last twenty five years of so has been to blast out at spending so much on a building you only use one or two hours a week - a statement I’ve never seen to be true. I’ve never worked with a church that used their building that little. But even if it were true I might counter: We also spend an awful lot on our bathrooms in our houses but we don’t spend that much time in there a week.
I’ve also noticed at the same time as people complain about the issue of spending so much on the auditorium that a concurrent craze of building “large foyers” has occurred. People talk about and show off - foyers. Foyers. They complain about how small their foyer is and spend big amounts to remodel and enlarge it. They say: “We need a big one where people can visit.” And, while I don’t disagree about a nice, inviting, spacious foyer, those are typically the same people who are complaining about the amount wasted on the auditorium...and I’m thinking of the foyer - we only spend a few minutes in it each week.

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This one was from back late last summer when I’d heard more than my share of bellyaching and was a tad discouraged: “Can I be down and it be OK? Sometimes I don’t give myself permission to do that. I get exhausted, miss the hardware store, tired of the gripping, don’t like the ________ situation (just looked at that one again, it was not a curse word there, but a specific situation that I won’t mention), feel like I’m not communicating, broke.” Can I be down sometimes?

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People play follow the leader. So leaders, where are you leading?
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What is it about us that makes us so insecure? It is one thing, a lack of trust in God’s willingness, love for or ability to care for us and take care of us. Be honest about it: We want a life where if God doesn’t arrive on the scene we are fine, we got this covered. Secure, safe, steady, stable. But think of the heroes of the Bible...do those words describe their lives? Paul, Noah, Moses, Abraham, Peter, Jesus? What are you doing that is pushing you to faith? We want to get it all in order, to have it all together, to figure it out...But faith is...well, faith. What are you doing that unless God shows up on the scene it will fail? What are you dreaming that is bigger than you?

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Why do I feel this need when I meet new people to show them I measure up? To begin reading my resume to them as if it validates who I am or impresses them? I don’t do that literally, carry a copy or two of my resume around with me, “now follow alone...” but I usually find a way to rattle off interesting tidbits about myself - preached at Granny White, left there to help with a church plant that has grown to...” I wonder how that makes God feel? I wonder if He thinks, just being My child isn’t enough for you? You think you can impress people with your accomplishments more than with Mine? You think the piddling little you have done in any way matches My “weakest” endeavor?
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I suppose we have to have them but it seems “programs” and “process” get in the way of people. And that sometimes they seem to become more important than people. Examine “your” programs carefully and see if that is correct.

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I saw one of those “questionnaire’s” the other day that churches put out. They always make me almost sickly nervous. They smack of creedism. Why should your pet doctrine or the doctrine de-jour be make the list? Know what I’m talking about? And the list of positions grows and the list of uses for the document expands.

What should we do when what we are trying to do conflicts with what we must do? Here’s one: “Do you believe in the direct operation of the Holy Spirit, which is that God speaks to man in other ways than through the Bible today? (i.e., feelings, voices, signs, etc.).” I know what they are trying to do by asking the question, I know the answer they are looking for...but it conflicts with the scriptures clear teaching. “The heavens declare (proclaim-NLT) the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork. Day unto day utters speech, And night unto night reveals knowledge. There is no speech nor language Where their voice is not heard. Their line[a] has gone out through all the earth, And their words to the end of the world” (Psalms 19:1-4 NKJV)

This most often happens when we try to make a law or keep something from happening that is not in the Bible. Our trust in the scriptures needs to be the trump card when discussing anything that deal with faith and life.

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Well I had to do it again yesterday, spend 10 minutes explaining and justifying my decision on my scoop blog to not list a church as looking for “a sound, conservative preacher”. You see the problem with that is that those terms are arbitrary. We say: “He’s a sound preacher” - “Oh, really, by whose standard?” We tend to make ourselves the standard as if if I say he is sound that means he is. I’m awaiting the ad that says: “We are looking for a preacher who is not sound...” I’ll do the listing, and let you do the vetting.

Windows and doors, doors and windows

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 15:34:47 -0600

windows and doors....doors and windows.

If we are what we are to be we are like Christ and if we are like Christ we will love souls and if we love souls we will think about how to reach souls for Christ - how to rescue them from satan’s evil empire and help in the “transferring them into the Kingdom of His dear Son.”

windows and doors...doors and windows.

I’m not sure where I first hear it or if I dreamt it up in my own strange mind but it makes sense to me, so here goes. One metaphor for the church is that of a building (1 Corinthians 3:9). “Building” (obvious pun) on that concept most any building has windows and doors. Windows are to look in, doors are to walk through.

windows and doors...doors and windows.

In church life we need windows and doors. Windows allow us to look in and see what we think...to get a glimpse and a feel for what a place is like before we go into the store, house, etc. We need windows. Windows - Church Picnics, Trunk or Treat, Financial Peace University, Family Dynamics, 48 Days to the Work You Love, Breakfast with Santa, Fall Festival, etc - windows. People look in, see that we are healthy, that we love each other, that we are no “weird” or “perfect”. If they like what they see as they look in they will be much more open to walking through a door.

windows and doors...doors and windows.

Doors - Personal Bible studies, Friend Days, Bible classes or small group studies in homes. Doors, people walk in and learn about what we are like, what we believe. They sit down and talk about more serious matters. Doors. Some churches do the windows well but forget the doors. They never sit down and talk about salvation matters with people. I heard an old preacher say years ago that “if we pizza and volleyball them into the church they will only stay till someone offers a better pizza” (hey, JY, another pizza analogy for you!). But then some churches do great on the “door” thing, i.e. they have great teaching but no one is there who needs teaching! No one has been taking care of the windows.

windows and doors...doors and windows.

Not everyone is good at the same thing. Some people know how to decorate a window but when someone walks in the door they freeze up. We need to make the most of those who are windows people and encourage them to use their talents for the Lord and to make the best of the door people and use their talents as well in building up the church. Neither is more important nor more valuable than the other.

windows and doors...doors and windows.

I’ve never seen a house with more doors than windows. I’d recommend at least two or three windows for every door. Not everyone who looks in will walk in. Not everyone who ate the loaves became a disciple. We need to be creative and work hard to make our windows as clean, inviting and attractive as possible so that when they look in they will want to walk in.

windows and doors...doors and windows.

What are yours?

Elders meetings

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 10:39:42 -0600

I’m in a “blogging funk”, not because I don’t have anything to blog about but because I have too much and am not sure where to start. Let’s talk about elders and meetings today. “I’ve never been an elder but I play one on TV”...no, that’s another blog. Let’s start that again, I’ve never been an elder but I have been to more elders’ meetings than most elders. I’ve attended them for nearly 30 years now. I know I haven’t seen everything, but at times it seems like I have either seen it or heard it. I saw an elder get so angry he stormed out of the room and never came back. But I heard of one so mad he picked up a chair to throw at another elder. I’ve heard of elders sulking, pulling power plays, and refusing to discuss matters when they weren’t going to “get their way”. I heard of an eldership who told a preacher: “We’ll behave like Christians if you do” - to quote Kenan “what up with that?”

BUT, in the hundreds of elders’ meetings I have been in the ugly ones have by far been the minority. The above craziness is what you hear about but occurrences like those are so very rare. One a 100-1 scale more often I’ve seen men who love the Lord, who treat each other with respect, who are compassionate, caring, and benevolent in both actions and attitude, who give freely of their time and energy taking on criticism with rarely as much as a “thank you.” I’ve seen shepherds.

Over the years I’ve seen plenty of models for elders’ meetings (I’m often a guest in elders’ meeting but I’m not in every one). I’ve worked with elders who only met when they wanted to, I’ve worked with elders who had closed meetings and others that had totally open meetings, I’ve seen elders who met weekly (and who met weakly - sorry I couldn’t resist that soft ball I served up to myself), I’ve seen elders who met with staff and without staff, I’ve seen elders who had a weekly meal together in which they didn’t discuss “business”. Since there is little to guide us in the NT on this there are all sorts ways of these things.

I want to tell you a few things about the elders’ meetings at Spring Meadows. Not that they are done perfectly by these men but there are a few things that are special about their meetings that they’ve picked up along the way:

Our elders have, as best I can tell, four types of meetings:
1. Official, good ole’ fashioned elders’ meetings. No, they don’t have a specific night but sometimes enough “stuff” accumulates that they just need to plan a meeting. Often there are people to pray with or about, people who need to talk or work through an issue, or shepherding matters that call for a meeting time. Shepherds would do well to shepherd though. Way too often matters make their way to the elders that have nothing to do with what they are supposed to be! Our elders have been good to ask that question - “Is this something that we should do/discuss or is it something we need to pass on to someone else quickly?” I’ve found that elders get unintentionally bogged down in at least two way: First, they spin their wheels on matters that someone else could and should handle so that they don’t have to deal with the tough stuff that they know they have to deal with. Seriously if you can talk for an hour or two about what rooms need bulletin boards then you don’t have to deal with the person who needs to be shepherded but is a challenge to shepherd. And two, if we have a long list of say ten items to discuss put the one that is going to take the most time at the end. The intention is good but by the time you get to that matter it is so late or you are tired or don’t want “to get into it” so it can be put off till next meeting. To avoid this we have three other types of meetings.
2. “Stand up meetings”. I don’t know where I first heard that term (they used to call them “short elders’ meetings” at Granny White but a couple of our guys might take offense at that nomenclature here :)) but it is befitting of what our elders often do and it makes sense. These happen when there is a matter or two that should only take a moment - and isn’t that a lot of stuff that sometimes gets drawn out in meetings? So, in these meeting you can’t sit down. That keeps it brief. If we sit in “our assigned seats” we tend to wander and to draw stuff out. YES, some decisions, some issues, some challenges take a long time to deal with but many don’t.
3. “e-mail” meetings: Now, e-mail can be misused and abused, nuances like voice inflection and volume can be misunderstood, so you’ve got to be careful with e-mail. But over 90% of ALL Americans have e-mail accounts (that includes children), so all or most all of your elders have e-mail. Some matters just don’t need a meeting and if we meet over everything we get “meeting out”! So our elders will decide some things via e-mail. For instance when the Haiti earthquake hit, our deacon over “people helping” wanted us to help. Obviously we were going to do something. No meeting was required just push “go”. But in case anyone wanted to know, the elders are aware a fund was started.
4. “Non-meeting meetings”: Yeah, I know, strange title. Once a quarter or so we will plan a time together away from the building (a change of setting keeps them from falling into a typical pattern), over a meal, in which we can’t deal with a list of issues but have to focus on one thing! We will sometimes bring in a resource person to help us think that “thing” through, someone who knows the area the elders are discussing and can give the group insight. Typically an outsider who has experience on helping lead a congregation through the area being talked about. And in these times the elders deal with some of those issues that they never seem to have time to discuss at length.

A couple of other things that I’ve seen that our shepherds do. One, it is symbolic but they keep an open Bible at each meeting - this is to remind them of the greater authority in the room. They also spend a good amount of time in prayer together, always closing anytime a guest is with us with a prayer. They often will close the meeting with a
time of “how are things at your house”, an idea we got from Jerrie Barber when he was a resource person at one of our “non-meeting meetings”. This allows the shepherds to shepherd each other and reminds them that they each have their own struggles and challenges.

There are other things unique that I have seen and like but this has already gotten way too long. What have you seen elders do IN MEETINGS/WITH MEETINGS that is special?

Love more

Wed, 6 Jan 2010 07:15:59 -0600

“For God so loved the world...” (John 3:16)
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:8).
“Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him” (1 John 4:16).

I’m not sure why this is so hard for some of us but please think about this for a minute:

allow yourself to be loved - there is way too much hurt in this ole world, and you have to handle more than your share of it. So if someone wants to love you, to do good to you, to treat you right - let them...and enjoy it.
love more! Make a commitment to love more. Start trying to think - “what would be the loving thing to do/say/way to act? Then do it. Some of us have been trained to be judgmental, to hold grudges, to become bitter toward...I think it is mostly those of us who are human.
don't let someone leave your presence without them feeling loved. Say that thing that you need to say. Let others know if they are special to you.
determine to be that - even if others aren't...don't...won't. love more.
hate less
so that the love of God can be known
love more.

How about that for some new years resolutions?

My day in court

Tue, 5 Jan 2010 13:09:58 -0600

I had to appear in city court today.

Here’s the story. I have a pickup truck that I bought a little over a year ago. It’s my first truck, I’ve always believed that every man needs a truck. I need one about once every three or four months to haul something or help someone. I found this one that was in running condition and didn’t look to bad for a song and got it. For some reason I did not get the renewal for the tag in the mail and it expired. I went out of town for about eight days and left the truck in my drive. When I got back there was a notice on my house door that said it had been cited as an “abandoned or dilapidated vehicle” (hey, it’s not a Cadillac but I didn’t appreciate them talking about my old truck that way). Naturally, I got busy and good intentions didn’t net a new tag. So about three weeks later I got a citation and a notice to appear in court in Spring Hill. I called, there wasn’t really any getting out of it.

I’ve never been to court as a participant. There were 40 or 50 folks in there. Most were like me - expired tags, speeding tickets, ran a stop sign, no proof of insurance, not wearing a seatbelt. The judge was a nice guy for the most part. He explained - I will ask you how you plead. You can only answer this two ways - “guilty” or “not guilty”. I immediately thought I’m guilty but I can justify it.

I noticed that people who said “not guilty” typically said it loud and clearly but most every person who “plead” “guilty” said it very softly.

I did see a member of SM there, he was there over a speeding ticket - whew his offense was “worse” than mine (but that didn’t change my own guilty charge). He also appeared before the judge before me, so I wanted to go to him and let him know mine charge was an expired tag, not something like a DUI! :)

The people who didn’t have to pay anything seemed happier than those who did. There was one person in front of me who also had an expired tag. She had her proof that she had gotten her new tag and it had been the day after she got the ticket. I had mine too and quickly looked at it and noted I had gotten mine the day after too. When the judge told her he was going to “dismiss her with compliance” I wanted to run up and say “me too” but didn’t confident I would be dismissed with the same “grace”.

Then he called my name Phillip Jenkins. I gave the “bailiff” my tag receipt and smiled. The judge looked at the citation, at my “proof”, at the citation, at my “proof”, then at his computer screen. He said: “Are you Dale?” Now, to be very honest, since I am legally “Phillip Dale” I thought, “hey, he recognizes me from Spring Meadows” and in the split second I considered, “is that a good thing or a bad thing? Will he say, ‘Love what you guys are doing’? or ‘hey, I attend the Spring Hill church...brother’? or ‘I’ve seen your TV commercials from Warm Coats”? Instead I said: “Yes sir”.

I was wrong. He said: “Why does your citation say ‘Phillip’ then?” I said, “I’m Phillip Dale, but I go by Dale”. I wanted to say that I get that a lot and it was my parents fault because they called me by my middle name. He didn’t look happy about this development that I had not even noticed. My name on the registration and on the ticket were different. He said: “You need to get that changed.” I wanted to say, “the nice lady at the circuit clerk’s office knew me and just typed my name in rather than asking”, which is the truth. But he didn’t ask. I said: “Yes sir”. Seemed folks who had addressed him that way had gotten further than those who had not.

“How do you plead?” I wanted to say, “Well, technically I could answer this in several ways: Guilty, but rectified. Guilty, but I didn’t know I would end up in court over this or I would have handled it in a more timely manner. Guilty, but I my expired tag wasn’t hurting anybody. Guilty, but. Really, I was wanting to say “guilty, but not really.” But I knew he was going to just dismiss it since I’d already complied so I just said “guilty”.

I was ready for my “dismiss with compliance” when he threw me a curveball “Mr. Jenkins, why didn’t you get you tag when you received the first notice?” I wanted to pull out my calendar and go over my schedule with him, but I don’t think he would have appreciated it or cared. I wanted to say “I planned on doing it next time I was in Columbia.” I wanted to say the truth: “I didn’t see the hurry.” I didn’t, instead I turned into a 8th grade boy and said: “I don’t know.” It was over! I’d already admitted I was guilty. He said, “I’ll dismiss this but you pay the court costs.” Man! I wanted to argue, I wanted to say “you didn’t make that other girl pay court costs”, I wanted to object, I wanted to plead my case. Instead I paid it.

I kept thinking the whole time of what it might be like to stand before the God of heaven knowing my deep guilt and sin. I was thankful for one thing - Jesus the Christ!

Happy, uh, Merry, uh? Arrggghhh, well have a nice day!

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 06:41:30 -0600

I’m determined that some day I’m going to write a post and the preamble, the disclaimers, are going to be longer than the post itself. Today just might be that day.

First of all. I love much about Christmas and always have. I think I owe that to my mom who loved Christmas songs, and buying stuff and cooking at Christmas.
Second of all (how come nobody ever says “second of all”?). We never celebrated Christmas as a religious holiday. There was no angel lilting round our fireplace, no star atop our tree. We never heard “Jesus is the reason for the season”, and if a religious “Christmas” song (i.e. Joy to the World) came on our radio mom turned the dial. Now, to be sure (see more disclaimers), we weren’t taught they were wrong, ever, we just didn’t play along.
Third (any good sermon/post should have at least three points) of all (what exactly does the “of all” mean). When I had kids of my own I sort of followed suit with how my parents did.
Fourth. I was 21 when I first had to “contend” with Christmas as an issue. I’ll call him out on it, it as Johnny Ryan! One of our oldest (actually his wife may be older :)) and dearest friends. He knew I didn’t think Christmas songs were appropriate...so the first Sunday in December every year when he’d lead singing he’s lead “Joy to the World” and look over at me and give a little wink and a grin. When I went to Hamilton it didn’t get any better. I joined the Civitans (was told it was practically a requirement for the local preacher) and at their Christmas party one of the members of the church in that grand city had a bluegrass group and if they didn’t our with “Silent Night”! Double whammy for me, a Christmas song that was both spiritual and instrumental. I could go on but my work is done on this being the longest intro ever.
I studied it out and I moved on. Christmas is a day that the world turns to Christ and that makes me happy. It is no more right or wrong to think of Jesus birth on December 25 than on July 25. Silent Night is a beautiful song and it just seems weird to sing it in May, it just does. I have brothers and sisters who consider the day “above another” even though I consider “every day the same” and I’m fine with that. If I can capture someone’s attention for the Lord on that one day and keep them focused on Him longer I’m even more happy. Note: If this is your “Custer’s last stand” and I’m no longer a faithful brother for this I’m not sure what to say to you other than that surely you think the Kingdom is worth more than this issue. And feel free to correct me in the comment section below...I will read them and consider anything said.

On to the post:

The culture wars are on again. Many of us are put in, at best, awkward situations this time of year. We don’t celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday yet when a city counsel bends to a smidgen of pressure from some person threatening to call the “ACLU” because the nativity scene on the front lawn of the court house, the one that’s been there since 1933, is a violation of church and state and is bothering the one Muslum/Atheist/Buddhist in that the little town of 3000. So, we never really liked the nativity scene anyway but now because it is a sign our country is moving away from God by moving it we have a choice, side with the atheist or take a stand for God? It’s the same quandary we were put in a few years ago over the “prayer in schools” issue.

So, was it last year or two years ago, that the “Happy Holidays” thing came about? I can’t remember where it started, was it at some retail outlet that determined their employee’s should say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, or was it a media thing (you know the godly Fox verses the godless CNN - explain that one to God). “THEY, are trying to take Christ out of Christmas” was the outcry.
Personally, I’ve said “Happy Holidays” as long as I can remember. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, holidays. I love them all. They are all religious/spiritual to me...as are the other 362 days of the year. And I don’t want people to just enjoy Christmas, I want them to be happy for each of them - hence “happy holidays”. But now when someone wishes me a “Merry Christmas” and I respond “Happy Holidays” gleefully back, I’m making a political statement. This is crazy!
It came up recently when two of “our” colleges sent out via email a greeting. One said “Happy Holidays from” the other “Merry Christmas from”. Now the extremists on both sides had something to crow or complain (probably complain because that’s what extremists do best) about. The extremists on the left thought the school who said “Happy Holidays” had compromised with culture by taking Christ out of Christmas” and the extremists on the right thought the school had compromised with culture by saying “Merry Christmas”. I seriously doubt either school had an agenda in this. I suspicion they just wanted to send out a nice greeting!
General group announcement: When I say “Happy Holidays” I’m not taking Christ out of Christmas. I am just wishing you more than one day of happiness! I think I’m going to run off a couple of hundred copies of this blog post and when I wish someone “happy holidays” I’ll just hand it to them :).
So, “Happy...uh...Merry...uh...have a nice day.”

Blue bird day

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:25:15 -0600

OK, so years ago when I’d talk to my sons about what they were going to do for a living I always told them it didn’t matter to me what they did as long as it was something they could do and be a faithful Christian and was something that would help others. So, Philip said: “I want to be a comedian.” “How does that help people?”, I asked. “Well, dad, people need to laugh.”

That is what I thought when Melanie watched the little video tour I shot of our building at Spring Meadows. It’s been a while since she laughed so hard. First there is my “Jenkins jitter” - we all seem to have this shake. It shows up big time in the video. Then there is the fact that I think I filmed more of the floor than of anything else (help Darren) and finally there is the constant and somewhat rambling narration.

Some of you might like the info and others of you might just want a good couple of laughs. I put it up on YouTube. It is in 2 parts because YouTube videos can’t be more than 10 minutes and this one was 14. So...enjoy...laugh...whatever!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1G3mB7ezLc&feature=youtube_gdata

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFHPpH76WZI&feature=youtube_gdata